when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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