I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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