My nipple is on Facebook.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
two words: eviction party
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
