Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
