Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
