you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
