He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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