Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
