Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
