Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
