He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
