Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
