just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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