I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
