Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
