My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You left your phone here
Wait...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
