Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
