my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
