how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
