Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
