So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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