I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
