go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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