i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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