Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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