yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
