We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
