Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
