my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
