I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
