I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
