I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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