what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
