youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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