walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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