Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
