if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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