so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
