who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
