i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear god my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
