Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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