im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
