Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
