just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
