we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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