Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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