is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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