Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
