I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
