I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
