Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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