She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
