And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They have beer where we have blood.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
