I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
