So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize