I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
