I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
