Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
