Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
