I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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