I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
