I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
