she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
