I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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