I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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