I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
