I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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