If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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