My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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