i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
