Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
