I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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