How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
