my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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