I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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