Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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