at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
