between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
